Today’s AWAP* question comes from a fellow ChronicBabe, who gets right to the heart of the matter: “I guess, to put it as simply as I can right now, I’m “being” with these questions: Is illness inherently bad? Is being ill inherently negative? I’ve been sick with ME/CFIDS long enough to know the thing is a dragon, and that it is my duty to protect everyone around me from its terrible, flaming power of destruction and terror. “But what if we (as ChronicBabes, and as a broader society) could turn our understanding of illness on its head? What if illness could be good? Not that it doesn’t change, ebb and flow, like life. But if one believes life is essentially good, and illness is a part of life, then, is it possible that illness, too, is good? Is it possible to live this belief? Maybe I only need to believe in this possibility in order to keep working to make things as good as they can be, in order to give my life something it otherwise fundamentally lacks: purpose. “I need to believe my life is not a waste, or a list of losses. But as I study various spiritual tracks, (and also, the more I connect with my body as a friend and beautiful being that needs my care), I wonder if much of my existential pain comes from the outside world, and my own ego. As I meditate, I keep finding myself momentarily at peace, believing in the beauty, the wonder, the strangeness, the joy of illness. “The joy of illness? Maybe it is not a sustainable joy, a lasting peace, but if it can be experienced in one moment, why not in the next? I would be so curious to know if any other ChronicBabes wonder about this. Because if we could live in the bliss of this radical truth—the positive nature of illness—it could change everything. Couldn’t it?” I am not feeling well at all today, so for me, AWAP means not filming a video, but instead presenting you with a quick chat accompanied by some pretty pictures to view while considering this topic. Enjoy: *AWAP = As Well As Possible I don’t think it’s possible for us to get any deeper than this question. It goes to the heart of our experience of life: Do we choose to focus on the negative, or do we choose to focus on the positive? Over the years, I’ve caught a lot of flack from folks who think I look too positively at the illness experience. People have said, “Jenni, you ask people to look on the bright side, but there is no bright side” or “Jenni, how can...
