Hi babes! Today’s question comes from a fellow ChronicBabe, who is really struggling with her multiple illnesses. She asks:

“I have probably the stupidest subject but I’ll ask you anyway. I was diagnosed with Lupus, fibro depression and extreme anxiety. I became disabled very quickly in 1990 at the age of 18. Why am I still not able to accept that this is the way I have to live with these chronic illnesses? I’m always and still asking WHY ME? It’s been so long that I’ve been sick and I just want to be a normal wife, mother, daughter and friend. I can’t seem to come to terms that this is my life and I have to deal with it and stop this pity party I keep throwing myself”

Babe, I hear you. Being sick sucks. It makes sense that you would ask “why me?”

What we’re talking about here is acceptance. You haven’t accepted it yet, so you’re stuck in the questioning phase still – which means you can’t get to the “living as well as possible” phase.

Acceptance is not giving up, or giving in. It’s getting real. And it’s time for you to get real with your chronic illness.

Check out today’s AWAP Wednesday video:



Now it’s your turn: How do you stop throwing pity parties?

Share your story (and your favorite tips for avoiding the pity parties!) in the comments below this video’s post. We have AWESOME conversations every day at the site and I would LOVE for you to be part of the community! Did you like this video? Please “like” it on YouTube or Facebook and share it with your friends through social media. Want to watch more videos like this? Check out our AWAP Wednesday video playlist, which has more than three hours of guidance, advice, and bloopers.

Is there a question I can answer for YOU? Add it to the comments below, or shoot me an email.

Until we meet again: Be AWAP! Smooches! *AWAP = As Well As Possible


Rough* video transcript:

Hi babes! Today’s question comes from a fellow ChronicBabe, who sent me a really heartfelt question, one I can relate to – and I bet you can, too. She asks:

“I have probably the stupidest subject but I’ll ask you anyway. I was diagnosed with Lupus, fibro depression and extreme anxiety. I became disabled very quickly in 1990 at the age of 18. Why am I still not able to accept that this is the way I have to live with these chronic illnesses? I’m always and still asking WHY ME? It’s been so long that I’ve been sick and I just want to be a normal wife, mother, daughter and friend. I can’t seem to come to terms that this is my life and I have to deal with it and stop this pity party I keep throwing myself”

Babe, I hear you. Being sick sucks. It makes sense that you would ask “why me?”

What we’re talking about here is acceptance. You haven’t accepted it yet, so you’re stuck in the questioning phase still – which means you can’t get to the “living as well as possible” phase.

Acceptance is not giving up, or giving in. It’s getting real. And it’s time for you to get real with your chronic illness.

You Are Not Alone

Let’s start with YOU: These chronic illnesses are NOT about YOU. You weren’t targeted, no one upstairs said “Oh, I think SHE deserves to suffer.” You have a biological issue that millions of people across the world also experience. You just pulled the short straw.

So it may help you to pause, when you start to think “why me,” and remember that you’re not alone. You are connected by an invisible thread to millions and millions of others who have lupus, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety. You are not alone. So if you have to ask a question, maybe it should be “why US?” instead of “why me?”

Don’t Waste A Moment

Years ago, I was throwing my own pity party, and a friend called me on my shit. “Why are you wasting time on this, when you could use your energy to do something else?” she asked. And she was right. It did me no good whining about how I was feeling. If I had enough energy to do that, I had enough energy to do something fun, like write a blog post, or make a phone call to someone I love.

When we focus negative energy on something we can’t control, we are giving it POWER. And do you really want to do that? I don’t think so.

Instead, try thinking of each moment as a gift. What will you do with it? If you have a moment – even a tiny chunk of time, like 5 minutes – when you feel good, or at least good-ish – do something lovely with that moment. It may feel small, but a few of those throughout your day can help you feel a lot happier at the end of the day.

Keep Track of What DOES Work

You mentioned that you want to be a normal wife, mother, daughter and friend. Normal is a pretty loaded word – I don’t really believe that there is a such a thing as “normal.”

Instead, you’ve got to focus on being the BEST you can be. If that means you go to less parties than some of your friends? Fine. Plenty of people without illness also stay home. If that means you heat up a frozen meal because you don’t have the energy to cook? Congratulations: Welcome to America, land of everyone using frozen meals, whether they’re sick or not.

When you compare yourself to others all the time, yea, you’re going to feel abnormal. Because you don’t see the whole picture of their life – and who knows how screwy they are behind closed doors?

Instead: Start keeping a little journal, a paper one or on your mobile device. Write down what works. Did you get out of bed today? Yay! Log it. Does your hair look great? YEA! Log it. Did your kids get to school on time? WOO HOO! Log it. Have enough energy to hug your husband after a long day? YES! WINNING! Log it.

Try this “what works” journal for a few days and I swear, it will put things into perspective.

Accentuate the Positive

Like Aretha sings in Accentuate the Positive, you’ve got to do just that. You may not be able to eliminate the negative, but when you take focus away, you give it less power, and in turn you’ll feel stronger.

OK – I’m eager to hear your thoughts on this. How do you get past the pity party and into the realm of acceptance? If you’re not watching this at ChronicBabe.com, head on over and join the conversation in the comments.

Like this video? Please “like” it and share it with your friends wherever you live online: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, forums… Please help us reach as many chronicbabes as we can.

Don’t miss a thing! Head to ChronicBabe.com and subscribe to our weekly newsletter and get a special freebie, a toolkit for kicking ass in spite of illness – my gift to you. I have some BIG announcements coming up that newsletter subscribers will get first, so don’t miss out!

Thanks for taking time to be with me today, babes. Until we meet again, be AWAP! Smooches!

 * rough because I write it, then I speak it, and sometimes I go off-script 🙂