Coping

There are so many things we can't control, especially when it comes to our health. But we CAN exercise some control over our surroundings. Creating a soothing space is a terrific way to help manage all the yuck that comes with chronic illness. Here are my five favorite, trusted tricks to help create an awesome space that helps you feel AWAP (as well as possible).

Posted: 4/24/2009 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Cool Tools

Optimism is not the easiest quality to come by. For us ChronicBabes, it can be hard to embrace fully. But there's a positive energy in the air right now, and I think the time is ripe to capitalize on it and remind ourselves that we can accomplish SO MUCH with just the right attitude.

In two days, the U.S. will have a new president, and with him will come a wave of change. Our new leader represents optimism in action, a concept I've been thinking about a lot lately. For those of us who live with chronic illness, optimism is a precious commodity—something we cultivate and cherish. Barack Obama is a perfect example of what it means to not only be optimistic, but to take that positive energy and drive it forward to create a positive result...and to inspire others to do the same.

In honor of our incoming president, I've crafted a short list of five things I do to cultivate a sense of optimism in myself and the people I impact. These are simple things you can do in your own life, too!

Posted: 1/18/2009 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Inspiration

Well, that's probably a little over-dramatic. I'm not permanently one-armed...I'm just not allowed to use my right arm and hand for a few weeks as I heal from surgery. But for all practical purposes, I've been one-armed for the past three weeks and I'll be one-armed for a few more.

Since smashing my wrist three weeks ago, I've learned a lot of things. Practical tips, new ways of relating to people, the value of pump bottles for shower products, and the strong power of gratitude when it comes to getting your head right.

Here are just a few of the things I've learned, in no particular order. No matter what your illness or disability, I hope you find them useful.

Posted: 11/7/2008 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Fashion

Oh Babes, Editrix Jenni's flare-up...it is so big. It's been ebbing and flowing for a couple weeks now and it's draining her energy. But she's committed to maintaining her self care regimen during this tough time, and thought she'd take a moment to remind you, too, that it's important to take small steps every day to keep yourself feeling as well as possible (or, AWAP).

Here are some of her favorite ChronicBabe resources on self-care from our past three years of resources. She refers to these when she's not feeling so hot; you may want to bookmark them, too.

Posted: 8/18/2008 in Coping

I've slipped. It's been a rough week and I totally threw my self-care regimen out the window. Let's see: I've eaten some horribly unhealthy meals, blown my sleep schedule to bits, relied more on medication when I could be using relaxation techniques to handle stress, overworked when I knew my body was ready to quit...the list goes on and on.

But I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I'm through playing that game—I used to get mad at myself all the time for being an imperfect patient, but no more. Now my aim is to just get real with myself, take ownership of what's mine, and do my best to take good care.

With that in mind, here are 10 things I promise myself today. I know I won't always be perfect with them, but I'll do my best. Check them out, try a few and consider writing some of your own.

Posted: 7/20/2008 in Coping

I had a brush with my old friend hypochondria recently. But Mark Levine's recent New York magazine article "Listening to Hypochondria" left me feeling secure that I'm not a hypochondriac, and hopeful for folks who really are. Allow me to explain:

Posted: 6/19/2008 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Ask the Babe

For the benefit of the Babes out there who are newly diagnosed, or who have been struggling and need that little extra inspiration, here are some of the things I've learned that are part of being resilient (there are even more tips on resiliency available from the American Psychological Association).

Posted: 5/26/2008 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Inspiration

Yesterday, I sent out a personal note to our Goodie Bag subscribers. It came from the heart, telling my struggle with taking time for myself during busy periods and the toll that ignoring my basic needs was taking on my body. The letter resonated deeply with subscribers. I received more feedback emails than ever before, which tells me this topic goes to the heart of what many young women with chronic illness experience. So I'm reprinting the article here, in hopes that you'll all learn something and apply it in your own lives.

Posted: 4/16/2008 in Coping

Taxes suck. I mean, the part about them funding services we need—like police and firefighters, social security and health care for kids—that's good. It's doing tax paperwork that sucks. In years past, I've rushed around collecting scattered documents, trying to find receipts, and pulling everything into piles I then took days to decipher. For a Babe like me with anxiety and fibromyalgia, it would always be a bad health time. In fact, I had to block off three or four days at least to get everything done.

But I've been getting into a rhythm with my paperwork, I hired an accountant, and I've found some other tips that really help. So without further ado, here are my favorite time- and energy-saving strategies for getting your taxes done.

Posted: 3/17/2008 in Coping

For the past few months, I've been thinking about being a turtle. Getting comfortable with the idea of taking my home with me wherever I go hasn't been the easiest; nor has embracing the idea of going slow and steady (versus my habit of anxiously, frantically tackling obstacles). But I'm working on it. I'm a turtle, and you can be one too!

Posted: 2/17/2008 in Coping

Whether it's new or persistent illnesses (or anything else crappy for that matter), maybe you've had a tough year and you're ready to enter 2008 with a fresh mindset. I've got a few ideas that will get you in the mood for some major self-improvement. (If you've had a great year, terrific! Keep doing what you're doing. But still read on for some ideas to make it even better.)

Posted: 12/22/2007 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Inspiration

I am one resilient Babe, and I bet you are too. Dictionary.com offers this definition of resiliency: "The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy." I offer this one: "The ability to get your act together after bad stuff happens, no matter how long it takes or how much you need to ask for help."
* The first in a series of articles about facing huge challenges and how ChronicBabes can do it well.

Posted: 11/24/2007 in Coping

Jocelyn Tomkinson has a congenital spinal cord injury (SCI) as well as chronic neuropathic pain, so she uses a wheelchair full-time, and has an implanted biomedical device for pain control. She writes from the perspective of a person with a physical disability, although she thinks a lot of this advice could be transferable to other conditions such as mental health, learning, or sensory impairments. Most of all, she was born to travel, and her goals are to visit every country before she dies, and to help other people discover the traveling life in whatever way works best for them! Here, she gives us her top tips for safe, happy travel with chronic illness and/or disabilities.

Posted: 7/20/2007 in Coping

Filmmaker Daneen Akers talks with Editrix Jenni Prokopy about the experience of creating "Living with Fibromyalgia: A Journey of Hope and Understanding." Profiles in the film included Daneen's mother, Darlene, and Lynne Matallana, president and founder of the National Fibromyalgia Association.

Posted: 4/30/2007 in Coping

Women spend way too much time taking care of other people. We want to please our bosses, take care of our kids, support our friends, be good girlfriends or wives, go to the PTA meetings, lead the Girl Scout troops, host the best parties...it's exhausting! When we get sick, those demands on our time don’t stop—and we often try to keep meeting them, at the expense of our own health. Here at ChronicBabe HQ, we think it’s time for change! It can be tough to stand up for our needs, but it's crucial. Here are 10 tips to help you make the most out of every day.

Posted: 4/2/2007 in Coping

I'm not the same girl I was a few years ago. Each time I take a cross-country trip, I'm reminded that I'm not the person I was in the late '90s - the chick who could sling a 40-pound suitcase without thinking twice, who could do a 10-hour travel day and then go dancing later that night. Now I'm the chick who shows up at the airport with meticulously packed lightweight rolling bags, an inflatable back pillow, a ziploc full of meds, and a reservation at a hotel that promises a comfy bed and lots of relaxing amenities.

Posted: 2/22/2007 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Inspiration

Julieanne is a regular reader who responded to our call for ideas on how to de-stress in a recent edition of Goodie Bag, our twice-monthly free e-newsletter. Here are a few of her ideas - which we thought were great - for your consideration.

Posted: 12/5/2006 in Coping

For a brief time, I completely forgot that as a patient, I have the right to say "No."

Posted: 10/29/2006 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Relationships

Jill Cooper (a Babe with chronic fatigue syndrome) of www.LivingOnADime.com offers great tips for making the most out of grocery store visits - including saving some money - no matter how tired you are. Useful stuff for ALL Babes!

Posted: 8/25/2006 in Coping

I spend a lot of time reading, thinking and talking about illness and health. And no matter how I look at this, I come up with the same conclusion: You don't have to be a passive player. You play a big role in your response to illness, pain and fatigue.

Posted: 8/18/2006 in Coping

Babe Kerri opens a window on surviving her worst fear: experiencing a low blood sugar while living along for the first time. "I ignored the headache at first. I soaped up my hair, enjoying the way my sunburn ached a little bit under the pressure of the water. A few minutes passed. The headache was still there. I caught myself staring at the shampoo bottle; I had it in my hand and was fixated on the phrase 'Rinse,' wondering why it didn't say, 'Rinse and repeat.' My eyes unfocused like I was trying to see the sailboats behind one of those magic eye pictures. And there I stood. Still had that headache.

Posted: 3/1/2006 in Coping

Sometimes, a ChronicBabe is also aCUTE Babe. You know, AcuteBabe. As in, experiencing acute symptoms of some sort. As in, your Editrix has had acute back pain for the past week. Here are a few tips for ChronicBabes who are experiencing an ACUTE situation.

Posted: 2/24/2006 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Crafty

Yup, Crud. With a capital C. Mega-cruddy. Crap-a-doodle. Yucky. So I'm taking a day off of work. That's right, no work. No work emails, no work phone calls, no filing, no sending of invoices. No writing about concrete. But I am taking a short break from the couch and bad daytime TV to remind you that there will always be days when you just feel like crud and there's no getting around it - even the busiest, most well-balanced Babes need to take a day off. Here's how I'm taking care of myself today.

Posted: 1/10/2006 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Venting

It's that time again: The Holiday Season, when you're supposed to feel joyous, thankful and happy to celebrate with family and friends. It's a lovely idea. But people who work and live with chronic illness more often than not approach this time with mixed feelings, if not dread. Here are some tips for thriving this holiday season.

Posted: 12/6/2005 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Relationships

If you're a regular reader of the site, you're probably a little annoyed with me, or perhaps disappointed. That's understandable. I haven't been around a lot these last couple weeks.

Posted: 10/21/2005 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Inspiration

How come when I go on vacation, my chronic has to come with me? Wah. Wannnnnhhh. Venting. Whining. Wannhh.

Posted: 9/17/2005 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Venting

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." For most of my life, I hated that $&^%ing prayer.

Posted: 8/15/2005 in Coping

About four years ago, I woke up one morning with the worst itch in my nether region and boobs. I tried everything to avoid going to the doctor, but finally, there came a point when I could no longer ignore the problem. I was diagnosed with vaginal eczema, a.k.a. Fungal Jungle.

Posted: 6/20/2005 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Chronically Sexy

Despite months of serious foot pain, I confronted my fear of business travel and made the leap - and learned some valuable lessons about asking for help and healthy traveling.

Posted: 6/12/2005 in Coping

Yea, you heard me. A very crappy day. Go for it. It might wind up being part of your prescription for success.

Posted: 6/9/2005 in Coping

Meet my husband, Steve. Would you like to know what Steve loves to say to me when I'm complaining about what ails me? WAAAAANNHHH.

Posted: 6/8/2005 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Relationships

Sometimes you just need to be ridiculous. Seriously, go for it. Sometimes you just have to ride the cheeto.

Posted: 6/5/2005 in Coping  |  Also posted in: Inspiration

I was asked recently to write about thriving at college in spite of chronic illness. And although I didn't get really sick until after graduation, I did have a recent experience that felt just like going back to school. Here are just a few thoughts that might help inspire you...I know the experience taught me a few things!

Posted: 4/1/2009 in Inspiration  |  Also posted in: Coping

I'm packing right now for a trip next week to Austin, Texas, an awesome city that will be packed with folks for the annual SXSW festival. And as I prep for the trip, so many questions and concerns are swirling in my brain! I'm sure you face some of the same things when you prepare for travel.

In no particular order, here are the concerns I'm facing, ideas I'm considering, and advice I'm putting into use. I'll look at accommodations, fashion, dining out (or not), managing your energy, setting realistic goals and much more. Take what you need and share with anyone who could use the tips.

Posted: 3/8/2009 in Cool Tools  |  Also posted in: Coping

I've never been all that great at setting boundaries. Until recently, that is—I've spent some time over the past couple years learning what boundaries are and how to use them effectively. And my recent wrist injury offered some reminders that boundaries are flexible and ever-changing. So why are boundaries important for ChronicBabes, you ask? Because as sick chicks, we're working with already-reduced resources—so we've got to protect what we DO have. Read on for some examples of boundaries in action and tips to help you strengthen your own.

Posted: 12/8/2008 in Relationships  |  Also posted in: Coping

Editrix Jenni is always on the lookout for things that can make her feel better. Even if they don't make her pain or fatigue go away, a new trick that makes her feel stronger or more capable or happier is a welcome addition to her bag. She's got some tips that will help you fight your fears and try new things today!

Posted: 10/8/2008 in Inspiration  |  Also posted in: Coping

Life with chronic illness is hard. It sucks. We all know that. And plenty of us talk about it, in person to our friends and family, or online in forums or blogs. But all that talking about it...thinking about it...obsessing about it...eats away at our joy.

We've got some basic tips you can start using today to reclaim your joy. Sure, there's no way everyone can feel joyful every moment of the day—but you CAN reclaim joyful moments and live a more fun life, no matter how sick you are.

Posted: 9/25/2008 in Inspiration  |  Also posted in: Coping

This is just a quick note to let you know about a presentation I'm giving tomorrow as part of National Invisible Illness Awareness Week 2008. Read on for instructions on how to listen and call in with questions. It's tomorrow, Babes—don't miss it! (OK, if you do, the recording is archived.)

Posted: 9/9/2008 in Announcements  |  Also posted in: Coping

Invisible Illness Week is Sept. 8-14, 2008, and ChronicBabe is a big participant. Editrix Jenni Prokopy is a featured speaker on Wednesday, Sept. 10 at 2pm Central time (call-in details to come)...we've donated t-shirts to be given away as prizes...and we'll be blogging about what it's like to live with invisible illness all week.

Posted: 8/31/2008 in Announcements  |  Also posted in: Coping

One of my favorite enewsletters comes from Rosalind Joffe, whose site Working with Chronic Illness has a ton of great resources. Today she posted a new article that touched a nerve. In "Chronic Illness Isn't Sexy," she talks about the banality of managing chronic illness and how difficult it is to help people understand what your life as a ChronicBabe is like...or to even draw their attention to the seriousness of it, especially if it's an "invisible illness."

But I think chronic illness CAN be "sexy." In my public relations work, we look for what's sexy in a topic—what's the nugget that sells the story, the tease that draws people in for a deeper look. Here are a few examples from my life, and from some of yours.

Posted: 6/5/2008 in Chronically Sexy  |  Also posted in: Coping

What happens when a ChronicBabe—a gal who's accustomed to spending energy on herself whenever possible—needs to become a caregiver? What happens when a Babe has constructed a life that's all about taking care of herself, and suddenly she's taking care of someone else?

Being on the other side of caregiving helps us ChronicBabes learn what our own caregivers might go through. It's not about guilt—feeling bad about being sick, or feeling like a burden—it's about accepting the situation you're in and doing your best to make it easier if possible, whether you're the ChronicBabe, or the person who cares for the ChronicBabe.

Posted: 5/29/2008 in Relationships  |  Also posted in: Coping

Apparently I touched a nerve the other day with my piece on wishing I didn't care so much about what others think. Turns out I'm not the only Babe who spends too much time worrying about what others think think of me. In fact, besides the get over it piece, this one brought out tons of reader comments. So many, in fact, that I thought I'd share them with you. Sometimes it just feels good to commiserate.

Posted: 5/8/2008 in Venting  |  Also posted in: Coping

I want to live my life and not imagine what other people are thinking of me. If I released all that wasted thought, I could do so much more. I could cancel dinner plans when I'm feeling fatigued and not spend time I should be relaxing thinking that my friends feel disappointed. I could wear sweatpants when I don't have the energy to pick out a cute outfit, instead of trying on a bunch of things when I could be getting my errands finished quickly and then relaxing. I could be moving on from an awkward conversation and relaxing instead of replaying it over and over in my mind. Do you see a trend here? For a Babe with anxiety and fibromyalgia, I sure spend a lot of time thinking about meaningless crap and using up all my valuable time and energy.

Posted: 4/27/2008 in Venting  |  Also posted in: Coping

Several years ago, when I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both hips, I read everything I could find about coping with chronic illness. I was amazed at how often I'd stumble on a paragraph that advised patients to "look for the gift in your pain."

Pain is a gift? Thanks, but no thanks, I'd mutter to myself. I had just turned 44 and hadn't planned on slowing down so soon. I still had miles to go with my journalism career and a family that included a very active teenager. If pain was my gift, well, where was the return policy?

Posted: 1/12/2008 in Relationships  |  Also posted in: Coping

The old adage is true: There is nothing permanent except change. That saying applies to the inevitable shifts in our relationships with others. One of the things that seems desperately unfair to those of us who live with a chronic illness and ongoing symptoms is the impact it can have on friendships or romantic relationships. Many people have difficulty not only maintaining established friendships, but making new friends because their illness keeps them from being continually active and socially involved. Author Carol Sveilich offers advice on maintaining good personal and professional relationships even in the face of ongoing illness or pain.

Posted: 12/29/2007 in Relationships  |  Also posted in: Coping

Regular readers of the site know that ChronicBabe is not all about me. Yes, I created (and run) the site. Yes, I write personal stories to share my experiences as a ChronicBabe. But it's not a conventional blog, focusing on just me me me. It's more about sharing ideas to help YOU, dear readers, and building a collective of many voices.

But this recovery period I've been in since our house was nearly destroyed in THE STORM in August has just about had me whipped, and I haven't felt the kind of energy I usually do, the energy that feeds me helpful ideas to share with you all. I've been drained.

So tonight, I decided to write to you about how living through a trauma like this is SO MUCH like living with chronic illness, so much like coping with a diagnosis and dealing with the aftermath. I think that if I get some of this off my chest, I'll be clear and ready to write productively again for you. And I want that very, very badly right now. So here goes...my laundry list.*

*P.S. For evidence that I am not always so negative, please see the rest of this site. :)

Posted: 10/15/2007 in Venting  |  Also posted in: Coping

Jennifer Jaff is a total Babe: an attorney with Crohn's disease, she created Advocacy for Patients with Chronic Illness, Inc., a non-profit resource for Chronic folks who need legal assistance. We talk with Jennifer about her work with clients one-on-one, and her thoughts on HSAs and other health care issues in the news.

Posted: 5/25/2006 in Cool Tools  |  Also posted in: Coping

Babe Laurie shows us how she overcame guilt and re-learned how to have a social life she could love: I was on the phone with my best friend a few months ago when she said something that really hit me: "I shouldn't feel guilty for the things I can't control, only the things I can." It sounded so simple, so logical. And of course it was much easier said than done.

Posted: 4/21/2006 in Relationships  |  Also posted in: Coping

In this personal essay, writer Kim Moldofsky gives us a new perspective on coping: Two weeks ago I woke up to my grandmother's hands. It wasn't her gentle caress rousing me from sleep; rather, it seemed that her stiff, arthritic hands somehow replaced mine in the night. It was like the movie Freaky Friday in which a teenager and her middle-aged mom mysteriously switch bodies except I'm 35 and my nana passed away at 72. Like a curious infant I stared at my hands as I wiggled my unfamiliar digits. Where did these come from? How do they work?

Posted: 1/29/2006 in Inspiration  |  Also posted in: Coping

Say, I don't suppose there might be some way I could get a ride from you? I mean, if it's not too out of your way or anything, feel free to say no..." I hear my voice rise an octave, and there is something unflatteringly girlish about it. Despite my attempt to sound casual, I know I sound needy.

Posted: 8/23/2005 in Relationships  |  Also posted in: Coping

A ChronicBabe recounts her experience finding--and learning to love--cognitive therapy as a treatment for anxiety.

Posted: 8/1/2005 in Cool Tools  |  Also posted in: Coping

I was brooding under the covers, talking to my mother on the phone. "I should just cancel my book tour,"I told her, frustrated to the point of tears. "I can barely get to the bathroom. How can I possibly get across the country?"My knee had been badly injured two weeks earlier, and hobbling to the kitchen had become about as much adventure as I could stand.

Posted: 7/25/2005 in Inspiration  |  Also posted in: Coping