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Home » Articles » Relationships
I's all about family. (Biological or choice, that is.)
by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix
I've been spending the week in gorgeous New Orleans, La., helping my sister Meredith and her family as they welcome a new baby. Gigi is a gorgeous little girl, and her big sister Vivi is full of love and helpfulness.
It's been a week of highs and lows
On the high side, I adore hangin' with my niece. (Nieces! Oh my, it feels weird to say that in plural!) I love NOLA. It's been great to laugh with Meredith and my bro-in-law Mike. It's amazing to see how much a newborn can change and grow in one week. Vivi and I have made a bunch of crafts together and she is a riot to hang out with. I won't lie: it's been lovely to have a few days off of work. And nothing puts life into perspective like holding a newborn baby; all your other cares melt away.
On the low side, it's exhausting to hear the sounds of a baby squalling, a dog barking, a phone ringing, a My Little Pony cartoon, and a 6-year-old whining for a snack all at once. When I admitted to Meredith that I was not handling it well (I burst into tears, y'all), she reminded me that it's not just folks with fibromyalgia who don't handle a cacophany well. "This is not just fibromyalgia making you feel like crap, Jenni," she said. "This is life. This is hard for everyone right now." Funny, I just assumed it wasn't making her crazy because she's used to most of it; she was acting cool as a cucumber on the outside, but inside she was insanely frustrated. Whew! And it was temporary, as are so many things.
Oh, and the sleeper sofa isn't the most amazing bed I've slept on, and crummy sleep is bad for my fibro. And the dog keeps sneaking in and climbing into bed with me. Hello, allergies!
Oh, and the surprise boil alert for NOLA has made cooking, dishwashing, showering, hand washing and toothbrushing nearly impossible. So, you know, have fun changing baby diapers every hour!
I don't mean to complain...
I wouldn't change my choice to come help my family this week. Seriously.
Life is full of highs and lows. And did I think it would be the mellowest time, handing with a newborn? Nope.
One of the best things about being here: Laughter. Here's an example:
The other day, Mike bought some Zapp's potato chips, my favorite—a flavor which I can't really get in Chicago. Last night I said I wanted some and he said, "it's a flavor you don't like. They're mine!"
"Bullshit," I replied. "Hand over the chips."
"You don't want these," Mike said. "I bought my favorite: Fibro Flare-up Flavor." We doubled over with laughter. (And that's one of the few jokes I can tell here; the rest are pretty inappropriate.)
Family is forever
My bio family can be really challenging. I've written about this before, shared many stories. But when it comes down to it, my family has my back.
And when they need me, I try to be there for them, too. Meredith and Mike know that I sometimes need rest breaks. That I need to do yoga every day. That I'm a little compulsive when it comes to handwashing so I'm probably going to use a lot of bottled water. They're totally tolerant—actually, more than that: they're super-encouraging. No one wants me to sacrifice my own health to care for them.
But at the same time, I make some choices to care for them that does wear me down a little. Doing four mega-loads of laundry? OK. Will that make me super-tired? Yup...but everyone else in the house is, too. We're in this together.
There is no right way to be
As sick chicks, we have to make choices every day about how we conduct our lives. Sometimes it feels like it's impossible to sacrifice for anyone else, that we have to scrape and fight for ourselves just to survive. But when we can—if we can—it's essential to be of service to our family. They need us, too.
Is there a rule book for how to be with our families? No way. Is there a "right" way to navigate these complicated relationships? No. Is it always 50/50 in terms of how much we help each other? No way—that's impossible. Keeping score is completely unfair.
Family of choice is just as important
And while I'm on the subject...remember, please, that you choose the rest of your family. Your friends are your family of choice—the family you select and cultivate and surround yourself with. Your family of choice is as valuable and irreplaceable as your bio-family. This is something I think about often, especially when I'm hanging with my BFF Natalie and her family. They've been there for me at the highest and lowest moments of my life, and I've been there for them, too. ChronicBabe.com would not exist without them! So take great care of your family of choice, too.
I don't mean to sound like a Hallmark card...
...and it might be the fatigue and soreness that's making me weepy as I write all this, but family—biological AND choice—is essential. Take good care of your family, babes, and they'll take good care of you.
XO, Jenni
Posted: 10/9/2012 in Relationships
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