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ChronicBabe Blog Carnival #4: Parenting with a chronic illness

Welcome to the fourth edition of the ChronicBabe Carnival! Even though not all of us are ChronicMoms, many of us know people raising children while living with a chronic illness - or we want to become one of those parents. Today we're sharing our thoughts on parenting: what it means to us, the hard questions we ask ourselves, the challenges it brings and the maternal instincts that kick in when we have someone to take care of and protect, be it a child or a pet. Fifteen awesome ChronicBabe bloggers are sharing their thoughts on parenting with you today. Read and enjoy…

This carnival topic was inspired by the news that Laurie Edwards of A Chronic Dose is expecting a baby! As a mom-to-be, Laurie has heard many people say to her, "As Long As It's Healthy." That's all that matters, right? But part of parenting with chronic illness is not giving in to the fears and "what-if's" when it comes to having healthy children. It's our goal and our greatest wish, but you know what? If it doesn't happen, we know we can be brave about that, too. We wish you the best, Laurie!

The question of whether or not to have children becomes even more complicated when you are chronically ill. Nessie at This Year's Masterpiece 
says in "Parenting 101" that strangers who ask "when are you having kids?" couldn't possibly know just how complicated that question is.

And the questions a ChronicBabe asks herself when she's thinking about becoming a mom arent the easiest either… Annie Martin at It's Time To Get Over How Fragile You Are asks herself the question "I'm Sick...Do I Want Babies??" Annie discusses the complex decision of whether or not to try for a baby in the complicated circumstances of chronic illness.

There are no hard and fast  answers to the "should we" or the "can we" questions of having a baby. It becomes even more difficult with chronic illness as Migrainista shares with us in "Wishing To Be."

A chronically ill mom has a lot on her plate! It can be much more challenging than if we were healthy. Alix at Silicon Valley Moms Blog comes up with a novel concept from an old saw. Remember how Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did, only backwards with high heels on? Alix invites us to join the "Ginger Rogers Moms Club" because ChronicMoms do the things that other moms do even if it's a lot harder for us. Great idea, Alix!

Here's a comment every mother can relate to: "Weekends and Summers Can Be So Hard," says Mama Sick. Because it's always mommies our children want and mommies our children love the most, no matter if we are sick or healthy.

Lisa at Rest Ministries Chronic Illness Pain Support tells us about her week in "Reflections on a Chronically Ill Mom's Life." Children can be so amazing. Sometimes they just "get it" that ChronicMoms are sometimes not able to keep up.

Mo at Mo is Blogging I Think wants to know, "Who Wants a Sick Mom?" And the answer is, her sons do! Mo's boys grew up quickly when Mo got sick. Mo sees their maturity as the silver lining in her cloud of chronic illness.

Lindsay Wright at RunLindsayRun writes a letter, "Dear Briony," to her 18-month-old daughter, who already seems to understand that mommy is sick. Briony is Lindsay's motivation to try her hardest to make every day a good day. They will get by on love and awesome birthday parties!

Looking back, PJ Jump at Leaps of Faith realizes that 
"Many Hands" make light work. The difficulty of parenting with a chronic illness can be significantly lessened by the helping hands of others. The load is also lightened by a daughter who understood and accepted her mother's illness at an early age.

Erica at Be the Change discusses "Kindness in Parenting." Raising a child is something no one can prepare you for. Instilling compassion, as well as a willingness to ask for help, is a lesson to be taught. And learned.

This past Mother's Day, Selena at Oh My Aches and Pains! decided to embrace that she is "Not Exactly the Mother I Thought I Was Going to Be." Life is not what she planned it to be but she is going to fully and joyfully embrace it, and celebrate that she is the proud pet parent and mother to two cats and three dogs.

KD at Making Noises wants to know, "Do You Want Children With That?" In hindsight, KD realizes that not having the "mommy gene" is a good thing. She made the choice not to have children before becoming chronically ill and that's okay with her. She is mom to her furry baby: a spoiled-rotten cat. 

And a reminder that parents - ChronicMoms and healthy Babes alike - need to practice and teach our children to be compassionate and kind.

Carly is an Australian woman with icthyosis form erythro derma:  scaly red skin. It's socially and medically challenging but she says it gives her many laughs and material for her blog. One of the most important things we can teach our next generation is compassion. Pointing and staring at people is not appropriate, as Carly points out in "Are You Looking at Me?" That is a valuable lesson for all of us Carly!

In what is perhaps our most hard-to-read and controversial post of the carnival, Dana at I Already Gave My Right Arm to be Ambidextrous shares that "I am Brave Because of My Chronic Illness…I Continue to Be Brave for My Baby…Someday!" Dana shares in intimate detail her physical problems in getting pregnant, her difficulties getting her husband to accept adoption, and the frustrations of the adoption process. She says it's hard to prove she will be a great mom and still have a chronic illness.

Like what you see here? Enter the next ChronicBabe Blog Carnival!

We're having so much fun running a blog carnival! But maybe there's room for improvement; we want to hear your suggestions. Let us know what you think in the discussion over at the Forum.

Want to participate in the next carnival? It's two weeks from today (publish date: June 1, 2010), and the theme is "favorite self-care tools and techniques." We would love to hear your thoughts on the topic! If you want to participate, send us your name (as you would like it to appear), the name of your blog, the name of your post, and a 1-2 sentence description of the post. We'll let you know if you're accepted. Send all that to chronic babe @ gmail dot com. The deadline is Sunday, May 30, at 10pm CST.

Thanks again to all the participants, and to our pals at Fibrochondriac for helping make this blog carnival a reality!

Posted: 5/18/2010 in Blog Carnival  |  Also posted in: Cool Tools

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