How I embrace optimism...and how you can, too

by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix

Optimism is not the easiest quality to come by. For us ChronicBabes, it can be hard to embrace fully. But there's a positive energy in the air right now, and I think the time is ripe to capitalize on it and remind ourselves that we can accomplish SO MUCH with just the right attitude.

In two days, the U.S. will have a new president, and with him will come a wave of change. Even if you didn't vote for Barack Obama, I hope you're excited for the new opportunities he represents for ALL of us. The commitment he has made to improving our nation's health care system is strong, and all of us here at ChronicBabe are excited about the possibility that one day soon, everyone will get the care they deserve.

Our new leader represents optimism in action, a concept I've been thinking about a lot lately. For those of us who live with chronic illness, optimism is a precious commodity—something we cultivate and cherish. Obama is a perfect example of what it means to not only be optimistic, but to take that positive energy and drive it forward to create a positive result...and to inspire others to do the same.

Not everyone finds optimism easily

We all know someone who is a pessimist, a man or woman who finds the negative in every situation. Heck, maybe WE are that person sometimes. I know I used to be; I didn't create the idea of ChronicBabe immediately after being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, that's for sure. I went through a phase where everything seemed like an attack or a handicap.

But there's a resilience in me that bubbles up even in the face of horrifying situations. I'm not sure where it comes from exactly, but I know that in dark times, I can sometimes glimpse its light—and in those moments, I have a choice. I can turn away and drown myself in sorrow, or I can reach for it like a life preserver and float with it until I regain my strength.

Yup, you heard me right: It really IS a choice, Babes! Optimism (along with success, happiness, pleasure and fun) isn't something we are either deprived of or handed on a platter. Optimism is something we can seek out even when our lives are extremely difficult.

Bad things happen. How do we embrace optimism anyway?

I believe we all have the power to choose optimism (and its sisters, hope and faith) in the face of struggle. This is no "pie in the sky" statement, either; I've lived through many, many difficult situations that could have destroyed my positive outlook. Just to name a few: I've been robbed at gunpoint by a man who murdered and raped other women; in my teens, I came close to dying from spinal meningitis; I've endured abuse both physical and emotional; a freak storm nearly destroyed my home while I cowered inside a closet; I've been sick since I was a kid, seriously so since I was 25.

I tell you all this NOT to garner sympathy or throw a pity party, but to get real with you and show you that I understand what it means to experience hardship and still hold on to optimism. It's essential that you understand it really can be done. With all my heart, I believe that if I can do it, so can you.

But first, understand that I'm no saint—I'm not optimistic 24/7. There are days when I feel down, frustrated and ready to give up. Times come and go when I think I can't take another day of pain and exhaustion. Sometimes I retreat under the covers for a little while, or into a warm bath with a book, and just escape real life for a bit.

Step 1: Build a safety net

But as the years pass, those "retreating" times are fewer and farther in between. And when real life seems too hard, there's a big safety net in place to keep me grounded and supported. Building that safety net is the first big step in learning to choose optimism. My safety net is made up of a variety of components:

A robust group of friends and sisters I can call when life is challenging; they'll hug me, talk to me, and tell me the hard truth when I need to hear it
A strong business community that supports my professional goals and offers advice when I'm struggling
A collection of excellent health care practitioners with whom I have honest and productive two-way communication

You can build a safety net, too. Who are the people you can count on? Make a list (I mean it—get out some paper and pen, Babes!) Write it down, add their phone numbers if you want, and tape it on your wall for a few days, or put it in your pocket. Look at it often. Burn the image into your brain. Later, when you're struggling, your memory will offer up this image to help you.

Step 2: Find a role model (or five)

Obama has spoken frequently about his role models, men and women he admires for their strength, courage, creativity and diplomacy. I also have a few role models I look up to, especially when it comes to cultivating optimism.

For starters, I'm a big fan of Björk; she injects an enormous positive energy into everything she does, and she makes beautiful songs about gut-wrenching topics. When I feel like I've lost my creative edge, I listen to her music, admire a photo of her I have taped to my office wall, dance around the living room...and before long, my optimism returns and I know I can accomplish the task at hand.

I can also call to mind a few women who have triumphed despite big health limitations: fellow bloggers I admire who bare their souls; authors who have shared their personal struggles; actors who have spoken out about the issues they deal with every day. I keep a mental list of all these Babes so I can remember I'm not alone, and that there are successful folks I can emulate if I'm not sure what my next step should be.

This strategy can work for you, too. Think about the women and men you admire, the ones who have faced adversity and overcome it with awesome power. Those folks are your role models! Read about them, watch their films or music videos, check out their web sites—do your homework. When you're feeling down, try channeling their energy. I often ask myself, What Would Björk Do? If nothing else, it cracks me up and gets my head into a different energy. And having a variety of role models means you have a range of experience on which to draw.

Step 3: Look within yourself

For a long time, I thought I got all my positive reinforcement from outside influences. When my frown turned upside down, I always attributed it to the positive impact of someone else.

But I've come to realize in recent months that I also pull a lot of optimistic energy from within. It comes from my experiences overcoming big challenges; I've started to learn to take ownership of the hard work I've put in to get past life's hurdles.

Rebuilding my life after the big storm trashed our house? Yes, I had a ton of help, but ultimately it was I who did the work of rebuilding, resettling, and readjusting my trajectory. After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I had lots of friends who helped me find my way—but the real changes I made, the ones that helped determine the new direction of my life, were all me.

The work we put into overcoming obstacles makes us stronger. That's not just a cliché; it's the truth. Take some time to think about the challenges you've met and how you handled them. Write down the qualities and skills you used, and take stock in yourself; I bet you'll see more terrific qualities than you ever thought of before.

Those achievements are in you STILL and you can draw on them to inspire yourself when faced with new hurdles. When something is especially tough for me, I try to think back to a similar situation and imagine myself then: my thoughts, wishes, motivations and dreams kept me going, and they can keep me going again today.

Step 4: Have faith

Sometimes the only think keeping me going is faith: Faith in my ability to overcome adversity. Faith in my friends and sisters to support me no matter what happens. Faith that my doctors will keep me AWAP (as well as possible). Faith that I'll find strength when times are at their hardest. Faith that inspiration will find me when I most need it. Faith that you, dear readers, will keep returning and keeping me honest and creative and passionate about this work. My belief that all this will keep happening—my faith—keeps me optimistic about the future.

When I think about Obama taking office on Tuesday, I imagine that the volume of his faith must be enormous. He is faced with some of the most enormous challenges any president has ever seen, and yet he has faith—optimism!—that changes can be made for the better. I am literally in awe of him when I consider his position, and it inspires me.

It's my sincere hope that you will also keep this kind of faith. And for those of you who have faith in a higher power, cherish it and nurture it, because I know it can help you through rough spots. Even though I don't have that kind of relationship, I have much respect for those who do.

Step 5: Make time for optimism every day

Finally, remember that to build an optimistic attitude—the kind that may wax and wane but is always fundamentally present—takes time and diligence. I spend some time every day expressing thanks for the things I'm able to do and share, and I also try to take a moment to visualize a positive future in which I achieve my numerous goals.

And I don't just ponder it while I make breakfast or run errands; I sit with paper and pen (or markers and posterboard, when I REALLY need to create a visual reminder for myself) and draw out a vision for what I want to see happen. The physical act of visualizing an optimistic perspective is a vital tool for keeping me positive, and it's one you can do too.

Small as a napkin or big as a poster, visualize something good for yourself. It only takes a moment but it can have a lasting impact. Then, even on days when you're too tired or in pain to even think about journaling, you can grasp that physical reminder of optimism and feel a little spark of encouragement.

When all else fails...

And when things feel really dark and it's hard to see the light—when your optimism fades to nearly nothing—remember that there is someone out there (me!) who's thinking about you, feeling inspired by you, and creating positive energy and resources to help you succeed. We are not alone, Babes. We have each other! There are so many of us connected now that it's impossible NOT to find someone optimistic who can buoy us when we start to sink.

Much love and respect, Jenni

Posted: 1/18/2009 in Coping | Also posted in: Inspiration

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