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Home » Articles » Inspiration
Fight the fear and try something new today...you just might feel better
by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix
I'm always on the lookout for things that can make me feel better. Even if they don't make my pain or fatigue go away, a new trick that makes me feel stronger or more capable or happier is a welcome addition to my bag.
But I wasn't always this way. In fact, after a few years of being sick, at some point I fell into a predictable routine. Same food every day, same few outfits over and over, same approach to flare-ups, same mindset. I was stuck in that sick place, and I was afraid.
Fear holds us back
The fear I felt was based on the belief that I wasn't ever going to feel better, and that if I wasn't careful, I could make myself feel even worse. I was so scared to change even the smallest thing! It seemed too dangerous, too much of a risk. For a while, I just accepted feeling super crummy and decided I didn't have any power to improve my situation. So I didn't try new things, I declined invitations to go places, and I stayed in my "stuck" place of fear.
Ugh. What a terrible place to be—I still can't believe I spent so much time there. It took an enormous life-changing event to un-stick me, and my head's in a very different place today.
The nuts and bolts: a big storm shredded much of our condo (with me in it) and my hubby and I spent a year getting it rebuilt and then re-settling once it was done. In the process I had to learn to work in a new way, in a different place, and re-define what productivity means to me. That was a major shift! I had a lot of support from my local creative network, which made a big difference.
My concept of "home" also had to shift; instead of thinking of home as the physical place where my stuff resides, I had to learn to carry that feeling of "home" with me everywhere I go. Talk about a major change of mindset!
After years of chronic foot pain, I had learned to manage my days without much standing or walking...but the three weeks post-storm required me to be on my feet a ton, sometimes 12 hours a day, and somehow I made it work. That was INCREDIBLE—I thought I was always going to be limited to sitting and short walks, but I was proven wrong. That realization alone was incredibly freeing.
Finally, I was forced to ask for help. Frequent ChronicBabe readers know I always encourage the "ask," but sometimes I'm not the best at doing it myself. But we needed a LOT of help so I took my own advice and asked despite my nervousness. The response was awesome, overwhelming and comforting. It strengthened relationships, built new ones, and reinforced the value of a strong community.
I didn't have time for fear, and neither do YOU
In that terrible post-storm situation, I didn't have time to be afraid. I had to step up and ask for help; had to realign my perspective on feeling comfortable and safe; had to readjust my professional expectations to allow for changes that were out of my control; had to push myself past physical boundaries I thought were permanent. I truly didn't have a choice, if I was going to come out the other end a sane woman.
And I did! That's the good news—despite a crappy situation, I somehow came through it a stronger person. I've shed a lot of the fear that used to hold me back. It's a truly incredible change. Obviously, it took me a while to do it, and I'm still working at it; we're all works in progress, after all.
Now, I'm writing about this today because you need to know that you, too, can shed that fear. You DON'T need a major crisis to do it (apparently it helps, but it's not mandatory). Fears that are holding you back are impermanent and transitory; you CAN shrug them off.
I'll be writing about this much more in the future, but today I wanted to start with a simple exercise you can try right away.
Step one: Try something new today
The first step in shedding fears that hold us back is to try something new, something that might be a little intimidating or even scary. Start small; the idea is to stretch your mind just a little bit, not to push you over the edge. You might want to write about the experience, describing your feelings and fears and how they changed after trying your new thing. Or you might want to confide in a friend, someone who can encourage you or even try the new thing with you.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Try a new kind of food you've never tasted, something you make or a meal you order in
- Rearrange the furniture in one of your rooms (or ask someone to help you do it; that might count as trying TWO new things)
- Walk around naked in your house for five minutes, or try sleeping naked (if you usually favor nude sleeping, try it with PJs instead)
- Visit a local bookstore and pick up a magazine you've never browsed, and read about something that's completely new to you
- Pick someone you usually only email...and call them on the phone instead
- Don't match your purse and shoes today, or if you're feeling really daring, make up an excuse to wear that "special occasion" outfit you've been neglecting in the back of the closet
- Change your workout routine by adding a new challenge or taking a class (or even part of a class!)
- Find a confidante and talk about something that's been on your mind...something you haven't shared with anyone before...and get a fresh perspective
- Try chocolate instead of vanilla—just do something different!
Some of these might seem silly or trivial. In a way, they are...but maybe not to you in this moment. It's easy to look back and think, wow, that was easy; it takes ovaries to step up RIGHT NOW and do something that's a bit scary. Once you've done it, you can celebrate your small success and move on to bigger challenges.
And in case you feel like I'm on my soapbox, here are a few examples of things I've done lately that pushed my envelope:
- Danced to a band I like at a street festival, even though I felt a little dorky
- Wore a plastic tiara all night, in public, even though I usually hate wearing anything on my head besides a knitted winter hat
- Said "no" to someone I usually say "yes" to
- Confessed fear about a work situation to a friend (who then offered me valuable, useful advice—ta da!)
- Bought my first wig (inspired by my success with a tiara; see above)
- Added spinach to a breakfast fruit shake (and liked it!)
- Bought a pair of shoes from a brand I had never worn before, even though I was afraid they would hurt and be a waste of money (they didn't and now they're my favorite pair!)
I bet some of my examples seem silly to you, but when I was doing them, they sure didn't feel insignificant; they felt like milestones. Each time I did something I was even a little bit afraid of, I was making myself stronger—and happier. Because wearing a tiara was a blast, and spinach is good for me, and those new shoes are darling, and it felt great to dance even if my feet hurt more the next day...it was worth it! See what I'm getting at?
You have your marching orders, Babes
Try something new today, and tomorrow, and the next day...keep at it and soon you'll be tackling incredible challenges. If I hadn't made this kind of progress myself, I wouldn't know how liberating it can be—and I want the same for you!
Posted: 10/8/2008 in Inspiration | Also posted in: Coping
