It's time to find joy again - and it's hiding right under your nose!

by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix

Life with chronic illness is hard. It sucks. We all know that. And plenty of us talk about it, in person to our friends and family, or online in forums or blogs. But all that talking about it...thinking about it...obsessing about it...eats away at our joy.

I think you know what I'm talking about: You'll be at a fun party, surrounded by people you love, and somehow your head just isn't completely in it—you may laugh and joke and hug others, but somewhere in the back of your mind you're thinking about your meds, or a doctor appointment next week, or your aching feet. The party isn't as fun as it could be. You leave feeling drained instead of filled up with love and joy.

Or maybe you've just had a terrific success at work, and you're basking in the glow of rave reviews from your boss and colleagues. You've worked hard and it's paying off. But there's a nagging worry in your mind about what that success means: increasing pressure to do even more? Being held to a higher standard? Will your body cooperate if you boost your demands on it? Suddenly, instead of feeling like the SuperBabe you are, you're worrying about what could happen in the future.

All this worrying and thinking about the negative stuff is eating away at the moments of happiness you could be experiencing throughout your day. And I understand, because this is something I have to work on all the time, I mean, let's be honest—who doesn't?

Where do we find joy when we're chronically ill?

As hokey as this is going to sound, I believe there is joy all around us. In almost every moment, we can—if we make a conscious effort—find something to be happy about. I'm not talking about going all Pollyanna and ignoring bad things. And I'm not talking about the main concept of The Secret, which basically says you can wish away your illness. (Wow, if that were possible, I would not be running this site. I would be training for a marathon!)

What I am talking about is shifting your attitude slightly, so that you are open to the possibility of happiness. I know that for many of you, this is going to be difficult—you may have lived with chronic illness for so long that you can't see any goodness around you. But there IS good stuff all around you, I PROMISE! Here are some examples from my own experience to kick-start some brainstorming on your end:

Last night I was having a major flare-up, with intense pain in my lower body. I didn't want to climb my stairs or carry my laptop to my car. But my sister Meredith called at that moment and put my 2-yr-old niece, Vivi, on the phone. She's never spoken to me on the phone before, but last night she said my name, and told me she loved me. How incredible is that? I was overjoyed and my head filled with images of our future together and all the chats we'll have as she grows and changes. Suddenly my pain didn't matter so much. Yes, it was still there, but it wasn't at the front of my mind—it was at the back, and Vivi was at the front. It made an instant difference in my attitude.

The other day I was frustrated with computer issues and a challenging client project. I was working at my writing loft, which I share with a bunch of freelancing friends. The stress was giving me a headache and I was ready to throw my laptop out the window when my pal Scott asked me to have lunch with him at Hot Doug's, a local eatery. We hopped in his car and headed there, venting about our various frustrations and then talking about our fun plans for the weekend. I had a "Jalapeño Smoked Chicken Sausage with Mole à la Carlos and Cotija Cheese" and some duck fat fries, and had fun chatting with the infamous Doug and Scott's other friends. By the time I got back to my office I was relaxed and in a terrific mood, thinking positively. What a difference a fancy hot dog can make!

So, let's see: in Jenni's world, big big pain or big big stress can be alleviated by a child's voice or a hot dog. Interesting.

I told you: Happiness is right under your nose. Now, Vivi's voice or a hot dog can't eliminate all my pain or health care paperwork issues or...you name the problem. But they CAN give me a moment of joy, if I let them. And that's the key, Babes: You have to be ready to let yourself feel joy, even for the smallest moment. You need to keep your eyes peeled, and your heart open.

One way to start practicing this is to put some kind of reminder next to your bed, so each morning when you wake up you get a visual cue to be open to joy. I have a little phrase framed on my bedside table, and I see it every morning...it reminds me to keep a positive perspective. Find something that works for you and give it a shot. (I often knock my frame over searching for my glasses in the morning, which adds a boost of irony for me!)

Then, as you go through your day, here are some things you can program into your schedule to inject some joy. A few examples I like:

creating a playlist of uplifting songs for my iPod—and listening to it for at least 15 minutes a day
making a phone date with a friend who I know will make me laugh
smiling at everyone I encounter, even strangers; smiles are catching and it's great to get one in return
making plans for the weekend that are flexible depending on how I feel—so I know no matter what, I'll be seeing other people
setting aside 15 minutes to visit my favorite web sites (hint hint)
preparing a special food or drink I really love (and by preparing, I often mean "ordering in"), and maybe sharing it with someone

And then be on the lookout for moments that happen to you, and absorb the joy. Here are some examples:

You leave work a little late and catch a gorgeous, colorful sunset
You catch three or four green lights in a row
You reconnect with an old friend on Facebook and share funny stories from your past together
You have lunch with a friend and she tells you that she loves you as you part ways
You park at a meter that's already been paid
You order a sandwich and—surprise—it comes with a free pickle
You turn on the TV and your favorite movie happens to be on

Seriously, Babes, it could be anything at all...anything that makes you even the tiniest bit happy. Take a moment and really appreciate how that feels...let it soak in. Breathe in, breathe out, be thankful. It just takes a moment! But when you get in the habit of doing this many times a day, it becomes second nature.

And that's how we get our joy back. We may not be able to get rid of our chronic illness, but we CAN change how we live our life each day, and if we take small moments many times a day to appreciate small things, it makes a BIG difference. Trust me—from one who knows, this really can work.

Now get practicing! Let me be your first opportunity. Let that smile spread across your face as you realize you're well enough to be sitting at the computer and reading the words of someone who cares about you!

With much love and respect -

Posted: 9/25/2008 in Inspiration | Also posted in: Coping

Dear Diary, I wish you were as cool as my ChronicBabe journal. Buy yours today in our CafePress shop!

By Date:

It's time to find joy again - and it's hiding right under your nose!

Where do we find joy when we're chronically ill?

So, let's see: in Jenni's world, big big pain or big big stress can be alleviated by a child's voice or a hot dog. Interesting.