Ah, my old friend resilience. You are back!

by Jenni Prokopy

I was hanging out with some pals yesterday and in between some big laughs we discussed the ins and outs of the past year in the Prokopy household—namely, the storm that hit me and hubby Steve last August and its aftermath. We're so close to being done with dealing with it: just a few more insurance claims to file, a few more boxes to unpack, a couple of shelves to hang...in a few more weeks it will be almost like it didn't happen.

Except it did happen. I did get hit by a microburst (or tornado, or whatever). I did hide in a closet while my building was blasted and shaken and shattered. I did almost lose my home. But I got through it. And I'm stronger for it. Why? Resilience.

Now, I'm not patting myself on the back for being...wait, YES I AM! I'm totally resilient. I've earned my little gold star. Resilience is not something I was just born with—it's something I learned over time.

I've written about resilience before and its importance in the lives of ChronicBabes. For those of us who live with chronic pain and illness, resilience is a way of life. If we didn't have staying power and the tools to deal with new kinds of adversity on a regular basis, we would just collapse.

Collapsing. It happens, and then you move past it.

Some of us do just that, though. We collapse in the face of new challenges. And Babes, I completely understand that; I've done it myself. I mean, none of you think I didn't have days (weeks!) where I was utterly depressed and feeling hopeless, right? Because I did. On top of dealing with my chronic stuff, I've been getting counseling to deal with storm-related post-tramautic stress disorder (PTSD) and juggling new medications to help with those symptoms. (Thankfully, I'm finally getting off them.) Put simply, it has sucked.

But resilience has been my friend, helping me get through this massive challenge and come out the other end an even tougher Babe. And I know many, many of you have faced similar challenges. You know that it's not about facing adversity perfectly (impossible) or doing it all by yourself (ridiculous).

So for the benefit of the Babes out there who are newly diagnosed, or who have been struggling and need that little extra inspiration, here are some of the things I've learned that are part of being resilient (there are even more tips on resiliency available from the American Psychological Association):

Build your team

I know when things are really tough, it's tempting to just curl up in a ball and cry. But this is the time to call a friend. Even a five-minute phone call can make a huge difference in your outlook! Stay in touch with folks; if you have to, make a list of all the people you can call and keep it handy. Make a point of calling at least one person each day. Or use social networking tools like Twitter or Facebook to stay in touch.

Practice perspective

All you have to do is turn on CNN for five minutes and you've got your perspective right there, Babes. I know every time I felt like whining about my damaged condo I just had to remember what my sister Meredith and her pals had to deal with in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Now, I'm not telling you to get down and depressed about bad stuff in the world, but remembering that things could be worse can sometimes help you move past self-pity.

Nurture acceptance

Meet another old friend of mine, acceptance. It seems every few months I reach a new level of acceptance: that I'm always going to be a little overweight (unless I give up ice cream...whatever!), or that I'll always have flare-ups (but I have a plan for handling them), or that I can't run a 5K (but I can almost walk one now!). I'm sure some of you reading this think I'm nuts, but accepting certain aspects of my life as givens—instead of fighting them tooth and nail—has brought me some peace.

Make a plan

Set some goals for fitness or nutrition. Make a schedule for sleep and workouts. Create a phone tree for bad days. Set up automatic delivery of your medications so it's one less thing to remember. Make a plan of action that sets you on a positive path. Setting goals—and achieving them—is a great way to boost your self-esteem and improve your outlook.

Overwhelmed? Start with this one.

These are just a few of my favorite things that build resilience. The APA list I mentioned above has a bunch more. And if you're really feeling down and overwhelmed, just start with one, my favorite: build your team. Pick up that phone. Send that email. Text your pal. Make a connection and I guarantee it will help you feel a smidge better. It's the most important step toward becoming resilient, which in the long run, will help you lead a rich, fulfilling life even with chronic illness.

Posted: 5/26/2008 in Coping | Also posted in: Inspiration

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