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Waving goodbye to our old selves, and embracing our new existence
by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix
I'm not the same girl I was a few years ago. Each time I take a cross-country trip, I'm reminded that I'm not the person I was in the late '90s - the chick who could sling a 40-pound suitcase without thinking twice, who could do a 10-hour travel day and then go dancing later that night. Now I'm the chick who shows up at the airport with meticulously packed lightweight rolling bags, an inflatable back pillow, a ziploc full of meds, and a reservation at a hotel that promises a comfy bed and lots of relaxing amenities.
One of the things that comes with being a ChronicBabe is the need to let go of who you once were, and learn to embrace who you are now. I don't mean to give up on your dreams, or stop pursuing goals, or abandon your morals or beliefs. I'm talking about letting go of the "ideal" of who you are - the image you carry around in your head. For many of us, that ideal is freeze-framed at our healthiest, hottest, most vibrant age (for me, it's about 25 years old).
Now hold off on the hate mail...
I know that at first blush, this sounds pretty drastic and maybe a bit negative, but stay with me.
That "ideal" image can really hold you back, if you put it up on a pedestal. It can seem incredibly appealing, especially when you feel like crap. She looks awesome! She feels great! She's on top of the world! I know just what it means to hold that ideal aloft and wish for it every day - I did that for years.
I would go to an event with dancing and get my groove on for a while, and then be incredibly frustrated when I had to stop. Instead of enjoying the moments I was able to dance, I would lament the time that I couldn't. Or I would take a vacation somewhere and instead of enjoying the activities I could manage, I would feel sorry for myself because I couldn't do everything I wanted to do.
Sound familiar? I'm not surprised. I think it's very common for us as young women to idealize our finest moment, and feel like we're letting others down - or even worse, ourselves - when we can't do everything we once did.
It's completely normal to mourn that loss. And that's exactly what it is: a loss. It sucks! We miss being that girl - the one who can do anything she can imagine. Who wouldn't want to be that girl?
Letting go of the old "you"
But at some point, you have to let her go. She's not you. She's a former you. It's time to focus on who you are today and embrace that girl. She's still awesome! I bet she can still do a lot of cool stuff. And she's surely still a hottie.
I was talking with a friend the other day when something she said made me want to write about the goal of embracing a new sense of self. This friend is a gorgeous girl, incredibly creative, super smart and fashion-forward. She happens to be paralyzed and uses a wheelchair. After checking out the designer wheelchairs debuted by Discovery Through Design (which we had covered recently in Chronic Bits) she mentioned to me how inspired she was by that organization's work.
"Those girls are so hot, and I love the work they're doing. I want to be one of those girls - they are so awesome!" She said that seeing such a positive image, one showing regular people doing extraordinary things in the face of less-than-optimal circumstances, really got her charged up - and made her want to do more for herself.
That's exactly what I'm talking about: taking the opportunity to really embrace the qualities you still have, and the things you can still do, even when there are new limitations in your life brought on by chronic illness or disability.
Your options - your choice
You could spend the rest of your days on the couch sulking because you can't run a marathon - or you could get walking, one block at a time, until you can work up to a 5K. You could wallow in self pity because you can't enjoy a big sugary cookie, or you could go hunting for recipes that satisfy your sweet tooth in a healthy way. You could cry and wish for the strength to go on a walking tour of Europe, or you could head to the airport and enjoy a vacation that takes you to the same places via bus or train.
When it comes down to it, you're only limited by the ideal you hold up for yourself. Each day you wish you could be your "old" self will make you feel like a failure. But each day you exercise compassion for your "new" self - each day you embrace your current abilities - you'll appreciate every accomplishment even more.
And when you think of that ideal girl - the "old" you - do you think she would want you to be held back by some unattainable ideal, or self-pity? I bet you a million bucks she wouldn't. She'd probably grab you by the shoulders, look you straight in the eye, and let you have it.
So don't hold yourself back by trying to live up to an unrealistic, idealized image. Take some time today to consider your abilities, your goals - and your "new" self. Give that girl a squeeze and some encouragement. And I guarantee, you'll start feeling stronger and more fulfilled.
Love, Jenni the Editrix
Posted: 2/22/2007 in Coping | Also posted in: Inspiration
