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Are your goals realistic? Don't sell yourself short, but don't set yourself up for failure!

by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix

Not to be braggy, but simply as a point of fact: I've always been an overachiever. I was the kid in school who freaked out over getting a B on a test; I'm the grown-up who still feels weird if the bed isn't made when friends come over. It's a trait that comes in handy running my own business, and in creative endeavors, but sometimes it sets me up for failure - because I often aim higher than is humanly possible, and I can be my own worst critic.

Sound familiar?

This overachieving trait is actually very common among ChronicBabes, at least in my experience. As young women who are actively seeking ways to improve our lives in spite of chronic illness, we try all kinds of new things - all the time - in hopes of finding the magical solution to our issues. We set our standards high because we believe that perseverance pays off - for many of us, our early lives taught us that! So why should it be different now?

Because we're different now...

I'm not the same college student who could party all night and study all day and get a 4.0 for the quarter. I'm not the young professional who could work a trade show floor for 12 hours and then host a dinner party for 100 people, and then get up the next day to do it all over again.

Now I'm the business owner who schedules regular naps during the afternoon and makes sure there's time for stretch and meditation breaks throughout the day. The girl who gives herself Groundhog Day off just because she can, and because it's a good (albeit weird) excuse to have a day of pampering.

So how does this relate to goal-setting?

My goals are very different today than they were before I got sick. Or, I should say, the goals are very similar, but the timeline and game plan have changed. Here's a recent example:

Every winter, my gym offers a holiday challenge: between November 15 and January 15, maintain your weight, body measurements, and track a consistent workout program. You get cute prizes, which are a great incentive - and the trainers really encourage everyone who participates. So I decided this year to go for it, even though I knew I had a season of parties and travel that could potentially sidetrack me.

I really wanted to lose weight. And 10 years ago, sure - I would have signed on and set weight loss as my goal, and I would have pushed myself every day to make it happen. But this year I decided to buck my overachieving trend and set a more reasonable goal: meet the bare minimum requirements for weight and measurements, and work out five days a week.

Po-boys and cocktails and ice cream...oh my!

It was tough. Throughout the challenge, I stuck to my goal of working out five days a week. Even when I felt cruddy, I at least went in and did a little yoga and short walks - just to get that encouragement from the trainers and feel like I got SOMETHING accomplished, even if it wasn't EVERYTHING I wanted to do.

But I wanted to eat every Christmas cookie in sight, and eight days in New Orleans in January REALLY didn't help - it was shrimp po-boys and bbq and champagne and fancy cocktails and Creole Creamery ice cream... and when I got back in town on January 15, I thought, there's no way I'm going to make that weigh-in. I resigned myself to the possibility that I might not reach my goal (but felt like it was still worth it for all the fun I'd had down south) and to not beat myself up. At least I'd come close...

The end result: I weighed exactly the same as I did on the first day of the challenge, and I actually lost a half-inch on my waist. Not huge, but I felt pretty darn awesome - I actually jumped up and down with glee (like a big dork). Turns out, setting small incremental goals along the way - like working out five days a week, even half-assed workouts - and trying to take short walks here and there, and eating fruit for snacks when I could in New Orleans... it all paid off.

If I had stuck with my first-impulse goal of losing weight...

...I would have missed it completely. I would have been bummed out, and probably sulked for days afterward, and regretted every fun holiday party and every sazerac. And that would suck! But by setting a smaller goal, I attained it, and felt motivated enough that NOW my goal is to lose weight. Slowly, carefully, in a way that I can keep it off. And still eat the occasional bowl of ice cream.

So my message to you, my ChronicBabes, is this: don't sell yourself short, but don't set yourself up for failure. Take that goal you have - to learn a new hobby, to shift your career, to start a club, to lose weight, to learn a new language, to learn to dance, to run a 5k - and break it into smaller, incremental goals that aren't so daunting. Each time you have a little success, you'll celebrate - and feel motivated to take the next step.

And get support!

The trainers at my gym were awesome, cheering me on every day. Nothing like walking on to the gym floor, already tired and in pain but determined to walk 10 laps, and hearing my favorite trainer shout out (so everyone can hear): "Hey, ChronicBabe! Lookin' hot today!" Hubbie Steve encouraged me, too, as did my pals and family - because I let them in on my plan, and asked for support. It rocked!

Now, for your turn:

So in honor of my goal to set realistic goals (how you like that?), I would love to share some of YOUR realistic goals with other readers. Send me one of your totally do-able goals - and explain how you think it will work better than previous ones (like: "my goal is to take painting classes," versus "my goal is to have a gallery opening by mid-summer even though I can't draw a stick figure") - and I'll collect them for a follow-up article.

Posted: 1/22/2007 in Inspiration

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