Didja miss me? I did! How to get lost and found in ten easy steps

by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix

If you're a regular reader of the site, you're probably a little annoyed with me, or perhaps disappointed. That's understandable. I haven't been around a lot these last couple weeks.

I know I am annoyed and disappointed. I did something that's an old, yucky habit: I overloaded on work, procrastinated a little, and wore myself out - leaving myself with only enough time to complete my work. Crap!

But instead of indulging another old, yucky habit - beating myself up for not being "perfect" - instead, I'm going to tell you what's been up with me, and I'm going to do my best to step back and look at it from another perspective. And maybe while I'm learning from this, you'll learn something that will help you avoid the same mistake.

Step one: get complacent

For a couple months, my hands have been hurting a ton. But then in recent weeks, they started to improve. I knew I had already booked more than enough work to keep myself busy (I support myself with freelance writing), but because I started to feel better, I took on a little more.

I got complacent - I thought that because I was starting to feel better, I didn't have to be so vigilant in protecting my time and monitoring my workload. I decided I could work harder again, which is what got me hurting bad in the first place. Doh!

Step two: freak out

Of course, my hands flared. And I got anxious about getting all my work done. And then my hands hurt more. And then I got more anxious. Etc.

Step three: lose your sense of humor

So of course, I was anxious and freaky all the time, and working extra long hours, and in pain. Wow, have I been fun to be around. I totally lost my sense of humor, and that is the absolute worst.

Step four: decide that getting your work done on time (as close to perfect as possible) is more important than taking care of yourself

Yup, that's what I did all right. I blew off eating healthy, relaxation exercises, going to the gym - I just blew it all. The work was king! King, I say! How dare I be human and have needs? Ridiculous!

Step five: isolate

Don't squeeze in fun stuff, don't call a friend. Just work work work and then collapse. Awesome. Because really, if your friends knew how badly you were treating yourself, they'd come over and rip you from the computer and force a glass of wine down your throat and tickle you until you wet your pants and collapse in the fun way, on the floor, from laughter. Sheesh.

Step six: implode

That's what I did. I just lost all my energy, and had a day of crying and frustration and bitching and moaning and feeling like I was lost. Ooh, but I got my work done. That's what's most important, right? ENNNNNH! Thanks for playing.

Step seven: eat a pancake, get clarity

I finally squeezed in time with my best friend. She basically foisted herself on me, came over and handed me a lovely card telling me how strong and competent I am, reminding me of all those things I know, but forgot for a bit. We went out. We ate pancakes. We caught up on each other. And I hugged her and cried and felt enormous relief to be reminded that I am worth taking care of. I had just felt so overwhelmed, and lonely, and frustrated, and worst of all, felt like I was doing something wrong.

Step eight: turn it around

The next day I talked with my coach about everything. We agreed that I had forgotten (or maybe I never even really understood and accepted) that I am totally responsible for myself. Yes, I have fibro and I get exhausted and sore and it limits some of my abilities. No, that's not my fault.

But I am fully responsible for how I take care of myself, how I run my days. I'm not a lame-o because I overworked, it's not some huge flaw in me. But I do take responsibility for recognizing the role I played in getting myself to that place, and for the role I now play in getting healthier again.

Step nine: set an intention to do something better and find your stride again

I made an intention that no matter what happened the rest of the week, I would not put myself in the position of being overworked again. Even if I felt physically better. Even if I felt flattered that a client needs me or thinks my writing work is fantastic. Because the most important thing is that I do my best to feel good, that I find that balance among all my responsibilities. All things flow from that!

Step ten: stick to it
(the step that needs reinforcement from other Babes and Babe supporters)*

Well, here I am today. Not overworked, with more room in my schedule to work on ChronicBabe, more time to hang out with the hubbie, to watch the Sox vs. the Astrohs, to relax. I'm going to do my best to start every day with the intention of sticking with it, of nurturing myself. Because all the work in the world is not worth it if I feel like crud.

But I can't do this alone. I need reinforcements! Babe Pam already helped today without knowing it - sending me an e-mail a couple hours ago that said: "Just wanted to get in touch and see how you're doing...noticed there hadn't been any updates to CB.com and hoped everything was alright." It's folks like Pam - fellow Babes who instinctively know that it really helps to hear from a friend - who keep me on an even keel. I'm going to try to do better about asking for support. And I bet a few friends will read this and chime in too.

If you're reading this, you need that kind of help too. You've got to ask for it! Even though it's not your fault that you're chronic, you're still responsible for taking good care of yourself.

So. Have we learned anything?

I'm super-curious to hear from you. Does this resonate? Do you agree or disagree? Have you faced a similar situation? Please write me and fill me in, and I'll share your thoughts in a future article. Soon. Because I'm back!

Posted: 10/21/2005 in Coping | Also posted in: Inspiration

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