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Have a crappy day

Yea, you heard me. A very crappy day. Go for it.

by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix

For a lot of us ChronicBabes, accepting a bad day is really hard. We try to do everything we can cram in to our schedules: we try to be good friends, lovers, sisters, mothers, employers, employees - and a bad day can throw us off course. I used to resist bad days, power through them - with the end result always a disaster. So here's a personal story of an "aha" moment for your Editrix, who was reminded again recently that crappy days can be a good thing.

I had a really crappy day last week. I woke up on Monday in a sour mood, grumbling to my husband about my desire to NOT work, while he packed for business trips to Las Vegas and Bermuda. Even though I tried to hide it, I was super bummed that he would be gone traveling for almost two weeks - and while I love how my business is thriving, I wanted a temporary reprieve so I could take the trip too. Add to the plate the fact that my computer is on its last legs; I had spent almost 20 hours the previous week trying to coax it back from computer limbo, and Monday offered the promise of still more tech-support hell. It was not a good start to the day.

And then, I felt it. The little crampy, tingly feeling in my lower body that is a sure sign that I'm about to have a fibromyalgia flare-up. It's the fibro saying, "Hello! Have I got your attention? I'm here to completely screw up your day! Let's get ready to rumble!"

Now, I've been a fibrochick for almost eight years, so I know how this game is played. I'm used to the daily symptoms, but this will be big: for the next 24 hours or so, my bod will serve up a steaming platter of intestinal cramps, muscle pain, tingly hands, headaches, exhaustion, mood swings, sugar cravings, and whatever else it can think up. In return, I'm supposed to conquer my absolutely essential tasks in a timely way and then cut out of work, shut the door to my home office, and get pampering. Healthy meals and snacks, a nap, veg out time on the couch, some gentle stretching, cheery music, meditation and relaxation exercises, and an early bedtime.

I'm Not in the Mood

Yea, that's how it's supposed to work. I've spent years fine-tuning my approach with the help of pain specialists, therapists, Web sites and books. But I REALLY wasn't in the mood. In that moment, it just didn't seem fair. With everything else on my plate, why did this have to be the day for a flare-up?! It's not FAIR! WAAAH!

Temper tantrum ensures. Followed by feelings of shame - I mean, I'm supposed to know how to deal with this. Why the hell can't I just do what I know will work? Why do I have to get all freaked out and make it worse?

Because I'm human, points out my coach, Suzan. At 10 that morning, the thought of our scheduled call felt like an imposition on my busy schedule of feeling sorry for myself and freaking out about how much work I won't get done. That is, until we started talking.

It's natural, she reminded me, to feel pissed off/sad/depressed/disappointed when your day is starting out not-so-hot and gets worse because of something out of your control. And it's healthy to feel a little sad when your partner is leaving for a long trip. And most people would be frustrated with a computer meltdown.

Well, Maybe I Am in the Mood..

I had to admit she had a point there. I did have some legit reasons for being off my game. Revel in those feelings, Suzan urged. Acknowledge how it feels instead of pushing them aside, or feeling guilty because you're not handling it "perfectly." And then make your plan. We finished the call and I put my plan for the rest of the day into action:

Step one: Remind myself that I have engineered my work schedule to handle the occasional crappy day, and accept that projects have to be put off until tomorrow. Turn off the ringer and shut the door.
Step two: Call a couple friends about plans for later in the week, so I can feel connected. (It can be lonely enough working by yourself; not having someone come home at the end of the day means you can go whole days without speaking to another human being, which I do not recommend.)
Step three: Eat a little chocolate after lunch - but eat some fruit, too! Watch my favorite guilty-pleasure TV: Starting Over.
Step four: Do whatever feels good for the rest of the day. If that means a short cry because I'm sad, go for it. If that means sitting with a book all afternoon, cool. This is my crappy day, and I'm going to spend it how I want.

What a Crappy Day.

In the end, accepting my crappy day was just what the doctor ordered. I felt better by bedtime, and fine the next day - a great outcome, and a huge improvement considering that a couple years ago, my flare-ups could last weeks. Those were the days when I would be a stoic, try to power through all the pain and keep my crap to myself. It sucked. It didn't work. I just didn't want to "give up."

For me - and a lot of us babes out there who want to do it all - accepting a crappy day can be tough. That's not giving up; that's taking care of yourself. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just revel in it. Accept the fact that we don't have complete control of our health, but that we're making informed choices and doing the best we can. Accept the fact that we can build a support system of people who will keep us on an even keel, even when we throw the occasional temper tantrum. Accept the fact that we might just have to derail our schedule for a day and spend it on the couch instead. Give it a try - it might wind up being part of your prescription for success.

P.S. - a disclaimer: We do our best to provide accurate information, but ChronicBabe.com is not meant as a substitute for professional medical care, diagnosis or treatment. Please consult your health care provider before embarking on any new treatment. Read our whole disclaimer here.

Posted: 6/9/2005 in Coping

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