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Sometimes you just need to yell!
by Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix
Sometimes, no matter what anyone says or what's going on, you just need to yell. You need to scream, you need to cry, you need to howl. Because sometimes, being a ChronicBabe sucks.
Now, I know this is not what you're used to hearing from me. It's not a sentiment I express often. But I have to just throw this out there: every once in a while, no matter how good you are at managing your chronic, something is going to happen that is just a little too much.
Let it all hang out
It could be an extra-long line at the pharmacy when you desperately need a refill RIGHT NOW. Or maybe you stub your toe and know it's going to hurt all weekend, right through the wedding you're standing up for. Perhaps you sleep through your alarm clock and miss an important doctor's appointment. It could be anything -- when that thing happens, you're entitled to a moment of just letting it all hang out. Get it off your chest! Yell! Pound something! Cry! Stomp on the ground! Because girl, if you don't let it out, it will eat you alive. (Or, go ahead and save up years of resentment and anger, because that never ends badly. Uh-huh.)
If you're a ChronicBabe, you spend a lot of time learning to manage your condition. And you train all the people around you to encourage only the best behavior, because you know you're not perfect and you need support. So your girlfriend makes sure you take your meds every morning, your husband reminds you to stretch before you go to bed, your sister points out when you are catastrophizing.
So what happens when that little thing pushes you over the edge? You're having a great day -- the kind you always wish for, where you almost forget you're chronic -- and that little catastrophe comes along. It's not fair! You've done everything "right," but now this thing has happened and screwed it up.
Everyone has their moments
If you're a long-time ChronicBabe, most times, your training will kick in and you won't react at all. You know this stuff happens. You deal with it.
But every once in a while it's enough to make you scream. So you do. Just for a second. Because it's like bile rising in your throat, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. That emotion has to come out.
Those folks who support you all the time? In their eyes, this is not OK behavior. You're not supposed to freak! You're supposed to remain grounded, be positive, not think the worst, not become inappropriately angry or sad or teary-eyed or tense or frustrated or pissed -- because this is Just. One. Thing. It will pass! Don't get upset!
You're going to have to find a way to explain to them that this is Just. One. Moment of Freaking Out. That's it. You haven't abandoned your self-care plan, and you're not giving up hope. You're just having a moment. Everyone, chronic or not, has those moments sometimes.
And now, a caution.
If you're a well-schooled ChronicBabe, you know that frequent behavior of this sort is unhealthy. Tantrums, no matter how short, are bad for your physical and mental health, and bad for your support team. But between us girls, a little scream now and then is a-ok.
Because when it comes down to it, you've earned it. Seriously -- how many "well" babes do you know who whine at the first sight of a pimple or cold sore, or who are devastated by a two-day bug? They're allowed to complain. But if you are chronic and have 20 great, well-balanced, well-managed days -- and on the 21st you have a five-minute freakout -- there are folks who will think you're clearly not managing your illness. Really, how dare you?!
So here's the bottom line. Frequent inappropriate freaking out = Bad. Rare short freakout = OK. Don't make it a habit. Don't take out your frustration on others. But if every once in a while you need to just burst into tears and pound a pillow, go for it. A friend of mine recommends setting a timer for five minutes: you get five minutes to go crazy, and then that's it. In that moment, you may seem like a woman on the verge, but when it's over, you've released some major negative energy.
Posted: 3/28/2006 in Venting
