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Home » Articles » Ask the Babe
A reader asks: What to consider when starting a family?
Editrix's Note: Ask the Babe is written by members of our Babe Advisory Board, who field questions according to their experience. The Babe Advisory Board is made up of real women with real experiences as ChronicBabes - not medical experts.
A reader asks:
I've been happily married for a few years, and now my friends and family are starting to put the pressure on about when we might start a family. With my chronic health condition, I'm often in pain and/or exhausted, and I'm not sure I want the added responsibilities of motherhood, but everyone thinks I should just go for it. How do I decide, and what can I tell enquiring minds so they'll stop inquiring?
The Babe answers:
Congratulations to you for carefully considering the decision to become a parent. At a certain age, it may seem that many of your non-chronic friends are jumping headlong into parenthood, but no matter what your health condition, it's wise to consider how such a major decision will impact your life.
While children are a joyful addition, pregnancy and parenting are not "of course" types of decisions that a chronic babe should "just go for" without doing a little medical research. Even for the healthiest of women, pregnancy takes a physical and psychological toll, changing body chemistry, adding weight, increasing fatigue. Pregnancy can exacerbate some chronic conditions, so it's wise to talk to your healthcare providers about pregnancy's known and suspected effects on your particular condition. (WebMD offers perspective on which chronic conditions can make for a high-risk pregnancy.) You also need to check and see if your chronic condition could adversely affect the fetus.
If you decide to try for a baby, make sure to line up the kind of support you need to make the pregnancy easier on you. This could mean arranging an alternative work schedule, signing up for prenatal yoga or other classes to help you stay at your physical best, screening for post-partum depression if depression is part of your chronic condition, or making sure your husband or partner can take on some additional household duties in case you need extra rest.
Beyond pregnancy, there is the actual job of parenting. It's a highly physical endeavor, complete with sleep deprivation, heavy lifting and, at least in the beginning, long periods of sitting and nursing or bottle feeding. It also is a significant time commitment, so if you spend much of your week managing your condition with doctor visits, psychotherapy and/or physical therapy, that's something to consider.
Post-partum depression affects a sizable number of new mothers (according to Babycenter.com, about 10 to 20 percent of new mothers develop a full-blown clinical depression, which can last from two weeks to as long as one year). But it's highly treatable; heed the warning signs even if you think you're not at risk, and if you suspect you have it, get help right away.
Finally, parenting is constant, permanent, relentless. There's no putting it on hold, ever, even if you're in pain. It's critical to line up the support you need, from your partner, your family or from paid help, so that you don't become overwhelmed in times of a conditional flare-up.
The Babe is in no way trying to downplay the joys of having children – most people will tell you it's the most rewarding thing in their lives, and The Babe is no exception. But for chronic babes, a little extra consideration and preparation can help you experience the joys without becoming consumed by the challenges.
As for a retort to those who can't help but inquire and offer their ideas about what you should do with your life, a simple, "We're thinking about that -- don't worry, I'll keep you posted," should suffice. Without being rude, this lets them know they needn't inquire again.
Have a question? Ask us and we'll do our best to answer!
P.S. - a disclaimer: We do our best to provide accurate information, but ChronicBabe.com is not meant as a substitute for professional medical care, diagnosis or treatment. Please consult your health care provider before embarking on any new treatment. Read our whole disclaimer here.
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Posted: 6/22/2005 in Ask the Babe | Also posted in: Family
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